When your teenager is making you miserable: what's happening to you, and what helps

Some days you dread them coming home. You love your teenager, but you don't like them much right now, and you feel guilty for even thinking that. You're tired of being shouted at, ignored or treated as the enemy. And you may have typed something into a search bar that you'd never say out loud.

This guide is about you. If you're looking for why your teen is acting this way, start with why teens act like they hate their parents. Here, the focus is what months of conflict with a teenager can do to a parent, why it doesn't make you a bad one, and what helps.

Is it normal to not like your teenager sometimes?

Yes. Loving your child and liking them at a given moment are different things, and constant hostility or rejection wears anyone down. Many parents of teenagers go through stretches of not enjoying their child's company, or even feeling something close to hate in the worst moments. Having those feelings doesn't make you a bad parent. It makes you human.

What matters is what you do with the feeling. Noticing it, naming it to someone you trust and getting support is healthy. Letting it harden into how you treat your teen, through coldness, sarcasm or giving up, is what does damage. The fact that you're reading this suggests you care about the difference.

Why parenting a hostile teen hits so hard

Because it combines rejection from someone you raised with constant vigilance and very little reward. You've lost the younger child who adored you, you're on alert for the next argument, and you're still doing all the work. It often lands in midlife, alongside job pressure, aging parents or strain in your own relationship. Of course it hurts.

Researchers who study parental burnout describe three parts to it: overwhelming exhaustion in the parenting role, emotional distance from your children, and losing any sense of fulfillment or effectiveness as a parent (Mikolajczak, Gross & Roskam, 2019). It develops when the demands of parenting outweigh a parent's resources for a long time. A hostile teen can tip the balance for parents who've coped fine for years.

Guilt adds to the load. Resentment toward your own child can feel shameful, so it goes unspoken, and unspoken feelings tend to grow. Saying it to a partner, a friend or a professional usually shrinks it.

Signs you're running on empty

You may be close to empty if parenting leaves you exhausted before the day starts, if you've pulled back from your teen emotionally, or if you've stopped feeling that anything you do makes a difference. These are the same three things researchers look at in parental burnout. They're a signal to add support and take something off your plate, not a diagnosis.

• You dread the sound of your teen coming home, or feel relief when they're out.
• You've stopped engaging beyond logistics: meals, money, rides.
• You snap at other people in the family, or feel numb.
• You feel like a failure as a parent most of the time.
• You can't remember the last time you did something just for you.

"My teenager is making me depressed"

A long stretch of conflict with a teenager can leave a parent stressed, low and exhausted, and that deserves attention in its own right. Stress and a low mood are common and often ease when the situation does. If you've felt down or empty most days for two weeks or more, lost interest in things, or you're struggling to function, talk to your doctor.

Depression in a parent isn't a personal failing, and getting help for it is good for your teen too. It's hard to stay calm and warm with a teenager when you're running on nothing. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988. The Lifeline is there for parents as well as teens.

What helps you (so you can help them)

Stop taking the bait, get support for yourself, protect some part of your life that isn't about parenting, and share the load. None of this fixes your teen, but it makes you steadier, and a steadier parent is the single biggest thing that helps a hostile teenager calm down over time.

• Don't treat their words as a verdict. What a 15-year-old says in anger is information about their state, not about your worth.
• Have one person you can be honest with. A partner, a friend, a sibling, a parent support group or a therapist.
• Protect sleep and one thing that's yours. A walk, a class, an hour with a friend. It isn't selfish. It's how you keep going.
• Share the parenting. If there's a co-parent, agree on who handles what, so you're not the only one enforcing every rule. If you're parenting alone, lean on other adults your teen respects.
• Lower your expectations for a while. Getting through the week without a major blowup is a win.

When you and your partner disagree about your teen

Disagreement between parents is one of the biggest drivers of conflict with teenagers, and one of the most fixable. When one parent is strict and the other lenient, a teen learns to play one against the other, and the stricter parent becomes the enemy. Agree a few shared rules privately, present them together, and never argue about parenting in front of your teen.

• Talk away from your teen. Settle disagreements in private, then give one answer.
• Agree the essentials. You don't have to agree on everything, just on safety, school and how family members treat each other.
• Back each other up. "Your mom and I agreed on this" ends a lot of negotiation.
• Split the load. Take turns being the one who enforces, so neither of you is always the bad guy.
• If you're separated, the same principles apply across two homes, as far as the relationship allows. A co-parenting counselor or mediator can help when you can't agree directly.

Where to find support

You don't have to handle this alone, and asking for help is a strength, not a failure. Support can come from your own doctor, a therapist, your teen's school counselor, a parenting group, or friends who've been through the teenage years. Different kinds of help suit different problems, and many parents find that one honest conversation lifts a surprising amount of weight.

• Your doctor, if you're feeling low, anxious or exhausted for weeks.
• A therapist for yourself, to deal with the stress, grief and resentment without it spilling onto your teen.
• A family therapist, when the relationship itself is stuck.
• Your teen's school counselor, who can often tell you how your teen is doing at school and suggest local resources.
• Other parents of teens, in person or in a parent support group. Hearing "us too" helps more than most advice.

If you're parenting a teenager alone

Single parents carry all of it: the rules, the worry, the arguments and the logistics, with no one to hand over to when you're exhausted. That makes support outside the home even more important. Find at least one other adult who can take some of the load, whether that's practical help, a sounding board, or someone your teen respects and will listen to.

That might be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a coach, a family friend or a mentor. Teens often hear things from another trusted adult that they won't hear from a parent. And give yourself credit for what you're managing: keeping a household running while a teenager pushes against you is hard work, and doing it alone is harder.

Resetting the relationship when you've both had enough

When you're both worn out, a small, sincere reset works better than a big talk. Pick a calm moment and say something short: "I've been short with you lately. I want us to get on better, and I'm going to try." Then back it up with fewer battles and one easy ritual together, and give it a month before judging whether anything has changed.

Choose the ritual carefully: something low-effort that they might actually enjoy. A weekly breakfast out, driving them somewhere and letting them choose the music, a show you watch together. Keep it free of lectures and questions. The goal is simply to have some time together that doesn't hurt.

When it's not safe

If your teenager is violent or threatening toward you or anyone else in the home, your safety comes first. That is not ordinary teenage conflict, and you shouldn't manage it alone. In an emergency, call 911. Then talk to your teen's doctor, the school counselor or a family therapist about getting help, and tell someone you trust what's happening.

A licensed marriage and family therapist can work with the whole family. You can find one through the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. For more on what might be going on with your teen, see when your teenage son seems to hate you and a teen who's checked out of family life.

Frequently asked questions

Written by the The Adolescent Years editorial team. Last reviewed September 24, 2026. How we write and check our guides.