What to do when your teenager hits you

It might have been a shove in the middle of an argument. It might have been a punch, or something thrown at you. However it happened, being hit by your own child is frightening and disorienting, and many parents feel too ashamed to tell anyone. If this has happened to you, you're not alone, and it's not something you have to handle by yourself.

This guide covers what to do in the moment, how to keep yourself and others safe, what to do afterward, and where to get help. It's part of our guide to angry teenagers.

If you're in danger right now

Get to safety and call 911. Leave the room or the house if you can, take any other children with you, and don't try to reason with or restrain a teen who is violent. Calling for emergency help is about keeping everyone safe, including your teen. It isn't a betrayal of your child. Deal with everything else once the immediate danger has passed.

If you're not in immediate danger but you're afraid, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support, 24/7. It supports anyone experiencing abuse in their home.

Is it abuse when a teenager hits a parent?

Yes. Physical violence toward a parent is abuse, whatever the child's age, and so are threats, intimidation, destroying things to frighten you, and controlling you through fear. It's sometimes called child-to-parent violence. It's more common than people think and often hidden, because parents feel ashamed or fear what will happen to their child if they tell.

Naming it clearly matters. As long as it's called "a bad temper" or "a phase," it's easy for everyone, including the teen, to keep living with it. Recognizing it as violence is what makes it possible to get the right help.

What to do in the moment

Focus on safety and de-escalation, not on winning. Stay as calm as you can, keep your voice low, create distance, and leave if you need to. Don't hit back, don't try to restrain them unless there's no other way to prevent serious harm, and don't try to discuss consequences while they're still escalated.

1. Create distance. Step back, move toward an exit, and keep something between you if needed.
2. Say little. "I'm leaving the room now. We'll talk when things are calm."
3. Protect others. Get younger siblings out of the way.
4. Call 911 if you or anyone else is in danger.

Make a safety plan

If violence has happened once, plan for the possibility of it happening again. A safety plan covers how you'll get out, where you'll go, who you'll call, and what you'll keep accessible. It feels drastic to plan for your own child, but it's a practical step that protects everyone, including your teen, from a situation getting worse.

• Know which rooms have exits, and avoid arguments in kitchens or rooms with things that can be used as weapons.
• Keep your phone charged and with you, and consider storing car keys where you can get to them quickly.
• Tell a trusted friend, relative or neighbor what's happening, and agree a signal for help.
• Secure or remove weapons, including firearms, from the home.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline's safety planning guide can help you build a plan that fits your home.

What to do after an incident

Once everyone is calm, make clear that violence is never acceptable, set a consequence, and get professional help promptly. Don't pretend it didn't happen, and don't accept an apology as the end of the matter. Violence that isn't taken seriously tends to happen again, often more severely. Treat it as the serious event it is.

• Name it. "You hit me. That's never okay, whatever you're feeling."
• Hold a consequence, agreed with the other parent if possible, and follow through.
• Make an appointment with their doctor or a mental health professional within days, not weeks.
• Tell the school counselor, so they're aware and can support your teen.
• Look after yourself. Talk to someone you trust, and consider support for yourself too.

What not to do

Some reactions are completely understandable in a frightening moment but make things worse or more dangerous, for you and for your teen. Try to avoid them from now on, and forgive yourself if you've done them before. What matters most is what happens from here.

• Don't hit back or try to overpower them, except as far as you must to get safe.
• Don't hide it from the other parent, family or professionals out of shame.
• Don't accept "sorry" as the end of it. Apologies matter, but the pattern needs help.
• Don't give in to demands to avoid violence. It teaches that aggression works.
• Don't blame yourself entirely. Parents of violent teens are often doing their best in a very hard situation.

If drugs or alcohol are involved, tell the professionals you speak to. Substance use can make aggression more likely and needs to be part of any plan for help.

Talking to your teen about the violence

Choose a calm moment, keep it short and serious, and make the line absolutely clear. Your teen needs to hear that violence is never acceptable, that you love them, and that because of both of those things, you're getting help. Avoid long lectures and avoid minimizing it. This is a conversation about safety and about the future, not about blame.

Something like: "When you hit me, it crossed a line that can't be crossed in this family. I love you, and I'm not giving up on you. That's why we're going to see someone about it, together." Listen to what they say about what was going on for them, without letting it become an excuse.

Protecting other children in the home

Siblings who witness or experience violence are affected too, even when they're not the target. Keep younger children away from escalating situations, make sure they know where to go and who to call if something happens, and give them a chance to talk about what they've seen. Tell their school counselor, too, so someone outside the family is aware.

Why teenagers become violent towards parents

There's rarely one cause. Difficulty regulating anger, untreated mental health conditions, substance use, exposure to violence at home or elsewhere, trauma, and learning that aggression gets results can all play a part. Understanding the cause matters for treatment, and that's a job for a professional, not guesswork or blame.

Whatever the cause, the violence itself has to stop first. A mental health professional can assess what's behind it, and a family therapist can help the whole family change the patterns around it. You can search for services near you on FindTreatment.gov, a confidential locator run by SAMHSA.

Looking after yourself

Being hurt by your own child is a kind of trauma, and many parents carry it silently. Tell at least one person you trust. Consider talking to a therapist for yourself, not just for your teen. You may feel guilt, grief, fear and anger all at once, and all of those are normal responses to something that shouldn't have happened.

Getting help

Start with your teen's doctor or a mental health professional, involve the school counselor, and consider family therapy. If violence continues or you feel unsafe, local domestic violence services can explain options such as protective orders, which vary by state. You don't have to choose between protecting yourself and helping your child.

It's also worth reading about why teenagers direct their anger at their mothers, and about looking after yourself while this is happening.

Frequently asked questions

Written by the The Adolescent Years editorial team. Last reviewed September 25, 2026. How we write and check our guides.