The Adolescent Years

Defiance and rebellion

Out of control teenager: what to do, where to get help, and your legal options

What to do first when a teenager's behavior is out of control, help that keeps them at home, the legal options, and how to vet programs before you trust one.

Updated · 7 min read · The Adolescent Years editorial team

When a teenager's behavior has spiraled past arguments and broken rules, into staying out all night, drug use, violence, crime or refusing to go to school at all, parents can feel desperate. Many start searching for somewhere to send their child, or for legal options, because nothing they've tried at home has worked.

This guide explains what to do first, what help is available, the legal options that exist, and how to protect your teen from programs that do more harm than good. It's part of our guide to defiant teenagers.

What to do first when your teenager is out of control

Deal with immediate safety, then get a professional assessment. If anyone is in danger, call 911. If your teen talks about suicide or self-harm, call or text 988. Otherwise, book an appointment with their doctor or a mental health professional as soon as possible. Behavior this serious usually has something driving it that needs to be understood.

The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents of teens with extreme behavior to seek help from their pediatrician and local mental health professionals. Depression, substance use, trauma, ADHD and other conditions can all show up as out-of-control behavior, and treating them changes the picture.

What does "out of control" actually mean?

Parents use the phrase for very different situations, and the right help depends on which one you're facing. A teen who ignores every rule but is safe needs a different response from one who is using drugs heavily, violent at home, or missing for days at a time. Be specific about what's happening, because it guides every next step.

My teenage daughter is out of control

With daughters, "out of control" often involves relationships, social media, sneaking out, self-harm or disordered eating alongside defiance. With sons, it more often involves aggression, risk-taking or substance use. Either way, the steps are the same: safety first, a professional assessment, and help that involves the family.

If there's any sign of self-harm, an older partner, or exploitation online, treat it as urgent and get help the same day. Contact their doctor, call or text 988 if there's a risk to their life, and call 911 in an emergency.

Help that keeps your teen at home

Most teens do best with help that keeps them in their family and community. Options include individual therapy, family therapy, intensive outpatient programs that meet several times a week, school-based support, and in-home services offered by some counties. Many are covered by insurance or Medicaid, and some are free.

  • Their doctor for an assessment and referrals.
  • The school counselor, who can connect you with school and community services.
  • Community mental health centers and county family services, often low-cost or free.
  • FindTreatment.gov, SAMHSA's confidential locator for mental health and substance use services.
  • 988, which can also help in a mental health crisis and, in many areas, connect you to mobile crisis teams.

Preparing for an assessment

A good assessment looks at the whole picture: behavior, mood, school, friendships, substance use, family history and any recent changes. You'll help it go well by bringing specifics. Write down what's been happening, when it started, how often it happens, and anything you've already tried, and share any school reports.

Ask the professional what they think is driving the behavior, what treatment they recommend, what level of care is needed, and how the family will be involved. If you're offered residential care, ask why outpatient options aren't enough.

Many states have a family court process for teens whose behavior their parents can't manage, often called a PINS (Person in Need of Supervision), CHINS or FINS petition, depending on the state. It can lead to court-ordered supervision or services. It's usually a last resort, and the rules and names vary by state, so talk to a family lawyer or your county's family services first.

The AAP's explanation of PINS petitions notes that, before a petition, families often go through a diversion process with a social-service agency to try to resolve things, and that the teen usually keeps living at home unless the court decides otherwise. Involving the court can bring resources, but it also brings a teen into the justice system, so weigh it carefully.

Where can I send my out of control teenager?

Residential treatment is sometimes the right choice for a teen whose safety can't be managed at home, but it should come from a clinical recommendation, not an ad. A licensed professional who has assessed your teen can tell you whether a higher level of care is needed and what kind. Many programs marketed directly to desperate parents are not what they seem.

A U.S. Government Accountability Office investigation examined allegations of abuse and deaths at private residential programs for troubled youth, including wilderness programs, boot camps and academies, and a follow-up report documented deceptive marketing. That doesn't mean every program is unsafe, but it does mean vetting is essential.

How to vet a residential program

Check licensing, clinical staff, oversight and complaints before you commit, and be wary of pressure to decide quickly. A legitimate program will welcome your questions, involve your family in treatment, and let you communicate with your teen. Red flags include restricting contact with parents, confrontational or punitive "therapy," and staff without clinical licenses.

  • Is it licensed by your state, and as what (a treatment facility, a school, or neither)?
  • Who provides therapy, and what are their licenses?
  • How and how often can you talk to your teen, without staff reading or restricting it?
  • What happens if your teen is injured, sick or wants to leave?
  • What do state records, complaints and news reports say about it?
  • Was it recommended by a clinician who knows your teen, or found through an ad or a "placement consultant"?

Why Scared Straight and boot camps don't work

Programs built on frightening or humiliating teenagers into behaving don't work, and can make things worse. A Campbell Collaboration systematic review found that Scared Straight and similar programs increased delinquency compared with doing nothing. What helps is treatment that addresses what's driving the behavior and involves the family.

It's understandable to want something dramatic when things are dramatic at home. But the approaches with the best evidence are usually less exciting: consistent therapy, family involvement, treating underlying conditions, and support for parents.

Looking after yourself and the rest of the family

Living with an out-of-control teenager affects everyone in the home. Protect other children from danger and from constant conflict, lean on friends and family, and get support for yourself. Many areas have parent helplines and support groups for families of teens in crisis. You can't hold a family together if you're running on empty.

There's more on this in looking after yourself when a teen's behavior is wearing you down.

Frequently asked questions

Where can I send my out of control teenager?

Start with help that keeps your teen at home: an evaluation by their doctor or a mental health professional, outpatient or intensive outpatient therapy, and family therapy. Residential treatment is sometimes needed, but it should be recommended by a clinician who has assessed your teen, not chosen from an advertisement, and any program should be carefully vetted.

Are there free programs for troubled teenagers?

Some help is free or low-cost, including school counseling, community mental health centers, county family services, crisis lines like 988, and some state-funded programs. Health insurance and Medicaid may cover therapy and some treatment. Be wary of any program advertising free residential placement. Check who runs it and how it's licensed.

Can I call the police on my out of control teenager?

If anyone is in danger, or your teen has committed a crime, yes. Call 911 in an emergency. Police can help de-escalate a dangerous situation. For ongoing behavior that isn't an emergency, the more useful route is usually mental health services and, in some states, a family court petition for supervision or services.

Are wilderness programs and boot camps safe for teenagers?

Some are, but the industry has a documented history of harm. A U.S. Government Accountability Office investigation found thousands of allegations of abuse and several deaths in private residential programs, including wilderness programs and boot camps. If one is recommended, check licensing, staff credentials, oversight and complaints very carefully.

Do Scared Straight programs work?

No. A Campbell Collaboration systematic review found that Scared Straight and similar programs increase delinquency compared with doing nothing. Frightening or humiliating a teenager doesn't address what's driving their behavior. Evidence-based therapy that involves the family is a far better use of time and money.

References and further reading

Written by the The Adolescent Years editorial team. Last reviewed . How we write and check our guides.